Work and Love - What Happens When the Job Takes Over

Issues with work and love...

Dear WWWFM,

Two years ago I found the love of my life. We both got off two bad long term relationships and easily realized that we were great for each other. We got engaged 9 months later and for the first year everything was amazing.

Then, my job didn't pan out, she lost her job but got a new one quickly, and we are struggling financially. I have worked 7 days a week for the past year or so to get by and we rarely saw one another. In my head, I was making sacrifices to better our situation. However, in reality we lost the great relationship we used to have in the process.

They say men are always two steps behind; well I started to realize the problem about a week ago and brought it up. She kind of blew me off because it seemed as though she was already past the point of wanting to work things out. It is as though she is completely unemotional to the subject.

I'm really concerned about us because there is an emotional disconnect. I know changing somebody's feelings is a challenge but she is worth the effort. I really do not have a specific question... I am just looking for some advice as to how to change a person's feelings by my own actions and can we get it back to the way it used to be?

Dear Adam,

You both probably let things slide for too long without checking in with each other. I would say your relationship is in a state of emergency and it needs emergency treatment. Is there any way you can get off work for a few days and take her away somewhere, just the two of you? You need to reconnect with each other quickly and a little trip away from the usual routine might help get you back on track.

Are you still working 7 days a week or can you cut back? You need to sit down with each other and have some serious, heart to heart talks about what has been happening and what needs to happen to rekindle things. I don't know if it's too late and she's too far gone, but if you go out of your way to do some nice, romantic things, like take her out for a very nice dinner, or make her a very nice dinner with candlelight, champagne, massage, etc., you might be able to get her attention. Check out our page on great romantic ideas.

She probably feels neglected and it's been too long that you've spent any quality time together. I know the circumstances forced you to work long hours and balancing work and love was difficult, but when that happens, it's important to still do what you can to nurture a relationship, even if it's in smaller increments. But since that apparently didn't happen, you must redouble your efforts by doing nice things for her and reminding her of why she fell in love with you in the first place.

Once you get some positive feelings flowing again from showering her with romantic overtures, you can start talking about what happened and figure out where to go from here. Maybe you have to specifically plan how you're going to stay connected with each other emotionally. Do you really need to work 7 days a week just to pay your basic bills, or are you doing this so you can have extra money? If it's at all possible financially to cut back your work hours without taking too much of a hit, I would do it if I were you, so you can spend more time together.

You don't say if she is working long hours too, but if she's sitting home on weekends while you're at work, that's very depressing for her and it makes her wonder how she got herself in this situation. I know that life sometimes isn't perfect and we just have to do the best we can with what we have when work and love don't mix. But it must be possible to still maintain a relationship under trying circumstances. I think when times are tough, couples have to bend more to maintain that close connection. I know that it's easier said than done to balance work and love, but as you said, it's worth it.

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