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Unrequited LoveThe pain of unrequited love... Dear WWWFM, I've noticed that when we go out, she's always looking at her mobile phone and/or calling her female friends. Once her friend called telling her that she is with her old customer, she immediately want to cancel our date and ask me to send her over to her friend. We talked about this. I told her how I felt about her (that I really love her.) She then confessed to me that she has been hurt by her previous boyfriend (she was 5 months pregnant and about to get married, she went for pre-natal checkup and when she returned home, she caught him in their bed with another woman. (He told her that since she is pregnant, he needs to satisfy himself with someone else.) As a result, she is afraid of being involved again. She also said that our relationship is too recent, and she isn't really sure whether she loves me or not. She asked me to give her more time. Since her confession, I have done many things mentioned in your website. I have cried in front of her (I was drunk), I've tattooed her name on my arm. When she had an operation, I flew all the way to China to be with her. I stayed for 2 days, to take care of her, and thereafter flew back. I've done so much, but she doesn't seemed to be touched at all. I'm willing to wait for her to put her past behind her, but I need some signals from her that I'm doing the right things. And I'm not getting any at the moment. I'm confused and kind of hurt by her "silence." Need some advice.
(PS: We have not even made out yet, no sex, no passionate kiss; just little pecks on the cheek or lips.) Dear Sean, Sadly, what you are describing is unrequited love. This is one of the most difficult, heartbreaking situations in life. It's doubly frustrating because you say you are finally ready to make a serious commitment but the one you chose doesn't reciprocate. The bottom line is that she isn't ready for you. She's been hurt and is still healing from that experience and only time will tell when she'll be ready for love again. You have no control over that. Only you can decide if you're willing to wait for her, but this isn't the ideal thing for you to do. Why? Because this could drag on for a long time and that's not fair to you. It would be in your best interest to let her go. You can tell her something like this: "I really love you but I want to be loved in return. I understand you've been hurt and you need more time to get over what happened. I wish you well in your healing process. I can't guarantee that I'll be available but you are welcome to call me when you do feel ready for a relationship." You deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love her. Don't settle for someone who only has lukewarm feelings for you. She may be a wonderful person but the fact is, she isn't emotionally available. She simply can't be a good partner for you. Let this be the last time your love is unrequited.
Try to stay positive even though you are hurting and feeling rejected. Keep busy with family, friends, work, and hobbies. Remind yourself that you are a good person, even if one woman turned you away. One more thought about unrequited love…Why would you want to be with a woman who doesn't love you back? You may discover you are repeating a pattern from your childhood. You are attracted to someone who doesn't appreciate you in an effort to win the approval you could not get from your parents. You might want to talk to a professional therapist if you think this is what's going on. Dear WWWFM, I am in love with my friend but the problem is she was in a relationship with another guy but he cheated on her and they broke up. Before she was with this guy we used to hang around together and she told me she loved me and we shared kisses and all, but we had an argument and I moved to another town. Then she met this guy and he became her boyfriend but we were still in touch with each other. But after she broke up with him she said she still loved me and made a mistake by going to him. I still love her and want her to be my girlfriend so I proposed to her, but the problem is she says she needs some time and space and we should spent some time together backpacking in the mountains alone. Then she would be able to give me a decision though she says she still loves me. I am confused. Should I go with her? Dear Robin, She isn't making sense. She says she needs time and space, but then she says "Let's go backpacking," which is a very romantic undertaking. She sounds confused and if you go, you risk falling in love with her even more while she may not necessarily feel any clearer about her feelings. I don't think it makes any difference what activity you do together as far as her figuring out what she feels. You can go on this trip, but you'd be taking an emotional risk since there's no guarantee it will make her fall in love with you. Are you willing to take such a risk? She's right that she needs time for herself. It's too bad she's not taking her own advice. Can you take this trip as "friends?" In other words, can you go but not sleep together? I think it's in your best interest to just stay friends with her until she decides what she wants. But don't wait forever. And if it becomes too painful for you to wait, you might have to let her go. Give her a little more time. (Maybe a month or two? You'd have to decide.) Then, if she's still sitting on the fence, say to her, "Either you want to be with me or you don't. There's no in-between. So what's it going to be?" If she still doesn't know, then it's time to move on.
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