I'm Still in Love with My Ex

Dear WWWFM,

My Ex has begun dating another guy yet we are still very emotionally attached, perhaps me more than her.

But anytime she has a major problem she comes to me. She says she feels guilty but I don’t mind. I still love her very much. Is there any way I can get her back. What should I do?

Dear Billy,

You don’t give a lot of details about the break-up. Assuming she broke up with you, did she give you her reasons why?

The two basic scenarios are:

The split was premature, even though there were some problems. But the problems drove you apart so you need to figure out what they are, address them, and then try again.

Breaking up was the right thing to do (i.e. you are going in different directions, you don’t have enough in common, there’s a fatal flaw like addiction, infidelity, etc.) but it can take awhile for emotions to calm down. You just have to trust that the two of you aren’t meant to be, even though you still have feelings for her, and let her go her way.

Without knowing why she left you it’s a little hard to give advice. But be careful not to let yourself be taken advantage of because now you’re letting her still “have you” but on her terms. I know you don’t see it this way right now because you’re just happy to be in her presence.

If she had specific issues with you, are you willing to change the disagreeable aspects about yourself? You’d have to do some serious soul searching to figure out what you did wrong (if anything) and then take steps to change. (If you don’t know what, if anything, you did wrong, you can always ask her.)

Have you tried putting your feelings in writing? Sometimes it’s easier to put your thoughts down on paper and just pour your heart out. If you do, be sure to apologize for whatever your transgressions were (if any), tell her how you have changed (or will behave differently in the future), how much she means to you, what your intentions for the future are i.e. do you see yourself wanting to get married some day, and your willingness to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work, including professional counseling. Of course, only say these things if you mean them. And if you don’t mean them, then you should ask yourself if getting back together is the right thing.

Good luck.

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