Should We Stay Together
for the Kids?

Dear WWWFM,

I am in a dysfunctional marriage where I feel both of us are unhappy but we stay together for the kids. Should I keep doing this or move on because I am unhappy and tired of fighting. I'm looking for help!

Dear Tim,

Some people might disagree with this but I believe remaining married for the children is a mistake. They aren't stupid and they know how unhappy you are. Your children want you to be happy. A divorce will be difficult but it will better in the long run for everyone. Staying together in a bad relationship is hurting your kids more than you imagine and it puts a tremendous burden on them to sacrifice your own happiness for their sake. (Even if they are too young to fully understand this, on some level they do and they will even more as they get older.) I can see how awful it must seem to contemplate causing your children pain by tearing up the family unit, but you will cause them even more pain if you don't.

You might want to consider marriage counseling in case there's a chance you could repair your relationship. At the very least try everything you can to make it work before calling it quits. But if it's already past the point of no return and you know deep down that you need to separate, then by all means do it. And the sooner the better. It sounds like you both are ready for a split, which means you might be able to do it amicably and come up with a custody plan that you both can agree on.

No matter what, it will be rough for awhile. And even if your children hate you for divorcing, some day they will understand. But you might be surprised. Maybe it will be a relief for them too.

I wish you and your wife and children well.

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