Dear WWWFM,
On rare occasions I meet someone and there is an explosion of chemistry that results in a deep relationship without either person knowing how it happened.
It's how I met my best friend. Unfortunately, most of the time I walk into a room and see a bunch of beautiful women (actually, personal taste aside, I think that beauty is quite common) and no clue if they have any interest in me beyond a smile and/or eye contact.
As I'm looking for someone who has a great personality, conversation is a must. I used to just go up to a girl and say "Hi! My name is _____, I would like to get to know you better. Would you care to go for coffee sometime?" Or something similar until some of my female friends said" Oh my god! You can't say that. It's too forward."
In lieu of this, what's a good way to start up a conversation?
Dear Ian,
I say if that approach has worked for you before, keep doing it! I don't think there's anything wrong with it necessarily, but your friends might think it's too fast, and that it's a good idea to at least chat for awhile before asking to meet someone for coffee. That way you get a better idea if you're interested in someone beyond their looks. So they would have a point there.
Think of something to compliment, like if she's wearing something great. You could say, "I like your _____ (pin, earrings, coat, etc.)! Where did you get it?" But avoid commenting on her body parts as that might be off-putting for some women.
Find something interesting about the surroundings so you have an instant commonality to talk about, like a cool feature of the bar or restaurant. Have you seen her talking to someone you know? Bring up that person. It depends on where you are. If it's a bookstore, for example, comment on whatever book she's looking at.
Humor is a good approach if you can think of a funny line.
In a way, it doesn't really matter what you say. Women will pick up on body cues, gestures, the sound of your voice, i.e. everything nonverbal. As long as you are confident, have good eye contact, and smile at her, it doesn't matter too much what witty line you deliver. Your attitude will speak volumes more than the perfect words.
When you do start talking, be a good listener and pick up on whatever she mentions. Ask her questions based on what she is saying. She will appreciate your attentiveness and want to keep talking.