It’s hard to generalize with sex and say “This is the way it is with all women… (or all men.)” But it is safe to say that for many women it's more about emotional closeness than it is about racing to the orgasmic finish line. We need to feel emotionally connected to our partner in order to have a fulfilling sexual experience. That's just the way we're built.

We want our man to be emotionally present for us when we're between the sheets. We can feel highly fulfilled if the connection with our partner is strong, and often find that a loving session of touching, cuddling, and kissing is as satisfying as an orgasmic encounter.

Here are a few other basic bedroom issues that women mention frequently:

Not all men are guilty of this but quite a few are. It’s understandable that you just get sleepy and that it’s pretty damn hard to stay awake. But please keep in mind that a lot of women have the urge to cuddle afterward because that’s when we feel closest to you. If you fall asleep right after having an orgasm, we feel a little lonely. But if you absolutely cannot stay awake after you have an orgasm, then please, please, make sure your woman gets hers first. Because there’s nothing worse than a man falling asleep while he’s bringing her to orgasm.

Not enough foreplay

Most women need more than five minutes of foreplay to become aroused and ready. It’s just the way we’re built. There are so many factors in a good sexual encounter like energy level and mood, but generally speaking, we’d like you to spend some time on a variety of body parts, not just the obvious ones. If we’ve had a long day and are tired, we generally won’t be able to just “be ready” at the drop of a hat. But that isn’t to say that a “quickie” once in a while is out of the question. It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out affair every single time. But if you want a turned-on, hot woman, be prepared to spend time getting her to that place. And hopefully you’ll enjoy getting there as well.

CLICK HERE for MORE DETAILS about FOREPLAY and what women want.

Can’t talk about sex

Communication is extremely important here, because no one can read anyone else’s mind, and how are you going to know what your lover loves? Okay, so you’ve been married or together for a long time, but that doesn’t mean your sweetie is totally satisfied. Of course she might be, but please don’t take it as an insult if she wants to make a few suggestions of how she’d like you to do something differently. Granted, she needs to do this tactfully, but don’t freak out if she wants to talk about your love life. And if she wants you to read a book about it, or read a book with her, DO IT! Why would you say no to something that could potentially improve your love life? Be open. Ditto for you talking to her. If you have ideas and suggestions, don’t be afraid to bring them up with her.

Not enough sex

This is another thing that varies widely with everyone, but in our circle, we have definitely had the problem of not getting enough! There could be a variety of reasons for this but the best thing would be to talk about it and figure it out together.

Why we aren't in the mood

There are various reasons why women don’t want to make love, but the top reasons are because we are mad at you, or we’re exhausted/stressed. Other reasons for not wanting it could be that we feel self-conscious if, for example, we’ve gained weight, or we might be experiencing a drug-side effect. I'm not going to go into all these reasons, but I want to focus on anger and exhaustion.

Anger: If there is any unresolved conflict in the relationship, it is difficult for women not to be affected by it. Remember: anger = low libido. We simply must talk about and resolve whatever it is that’s bugging us before we can feel passion again. Men seem better able to compartmentalize their feelings and seek out sex as a stress-reliever, but it generally doesn’t work that way with women. Here’s where good communication comes in. Women need to hash it out, but preferably not in the bedroom.

Exhaustion/stress: After working all day, coming home and cooking dinner, washing the dishes, helping the kids with homework (if you have kids), and doing laundry, there’s just not much left. Sometimes it feels like we do everything and wish you’d pitch in more. This varies from couple to couple but this is something that has to be talked out. Maybe the after-work chores could be divided more evenly. Maybe sex dates could be scheduled. That sounds unromantic but some couples do this.

Read here for secrets about KISSING...

Sex is boring and predictable

If you approach your wife or girlfriend the same exact way every time and with little or no foreplay, she just isn’t going to be that into you. Surprise her. Do something unexpected. Experiment a little, maybe with some body paint, give her a massage beforehand, jump in the shower with her, seduce her at a different time of day, do something, anything to vary the routine.

Too quiet during orgasm

Make some noise so she can tell if you’ve had your orgasm!

You only touch us when you want sex

Women tend to be affectionate creatures and enjoy touching and cuddling that doesn’t necessarily lead to sex. If you only touch us when you're horny, we will resent it. Most women want physical affection all the time, not just when you’re horny.

No finesse

Some men need to learn how to touch a woman, how to be a great kisser, how to touch and kiss a woman’s breasts, how to stimulate her clitoris. Grunting and grabbing just doesn’t cut it. If you’re not sure how to do it, read a book or ask her for guidance. This would be greatly appreciated because it shows that you want to please.

Does size really matter? Find out...

Many of these issues involve GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS. Click here for help with how to talk to your partner about potentially touchy subjects like SEX.