Is She The Right Woman For Me?

Are you torturing yourself with the thought, "How do I know if she is the right woman for me?"

So you've found a great gal and things are going really well.

You've been together for at least a year and you're starting to think about marriage. Problem is, you're worried about making a mistake.

"What if I picked the wrong one?" you may be asking yourself. What if, down the road, it all falls apart or she stops loving me or I stop loving her? And what if there's an even better girl right around the corner? Getting married is a huge commitment and you don't want to screw it up by possibly choosing the wrong partner.

First of all, if you're looking for some kind of guarantee that she is the right one, let me break the news to you bluntly: you're not going to find it. Nothing in life is guaranteed and no one can predict the future. All you can do is rely on the knowledge you have right now and listen to your intuition. Small doubts are not a big deal. But if you have an ongoing nagging feeling about it, pay close attention. Your heart may be trying to tell you something.

When people break up or divorce and then look back on the early days of the relationship, many recall the red flags that their partners waved in their faces but that they chose to ignore. So pay attention. Don't just see what you want to see. If it's not the right person, the clues are probably available and you just have to open your eyes. Ask your friends and family if they think the match is a good one. These are the people who know you best and may see things you might have missed.

In order to have a good, long-lasting union with someone, you need to be sure that the two of you are compatible. How do you know if you're compatible? ALL of the following things should be in place or you may have problems:

You feel comfortable with each other sexually.

Your attitudes toward money, investing, retirement planning, work, etc. are similar.

You are both emotionally open and capable of expressing your feelings.

You know how to constructively solve problems and manage conflict. You have good communication skills.

Your religious/spiritual views are compatible.

You always have a good time together, no matter what you're doing.

You agree on basic child-rearing principles. (If you plan on having children.)

You share similar values and goals in life.

You have similar health habits i.e. fitness, diet, no smoking, etc.

You are both open to self-improvement and willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work.

It would be fabulous if we could go to the crystal ball store, buy the biggest and most accurate crystal, take it home, and consult it to find the answer. But Life typically isn't that accommodating.

Unless you have a fairly strong undercurrent of uncertainty and doubt, don't let minor annoyances stop you from committing to her. There's no such thing as a perfect woman. Everyone has flaws. She is the right woman for you if you have a solid friendship, good chemistry, and the communication and problem-solving skills necessary to weather whatever challenges may arise in the course of your marriage.

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