Rebound Relationship

What happens in a rebound relationship...

Dear WWWFM,

I met a girl recently and we dated for 3 months. Everything was great and we got along super well. Here's the problem. I am 20, she is 19, and she just got out of a 3 year relationship with her boyfriend.

So she told me a few days ago that, even though she really digs me, she still has some feelings for her ex and doesn't think it's fair to me. She says she still wants to be friends and doesn't want to lose me. Do I keep talking to her? Or do I try and move on? I don't want her out of my life either but I don't know if I can just talk to her like a friend right now. There is something special about her that I would really love to make something work again when she is ready. I just don't want to be hurt again… What should I do?

Dear Kurt,

It sounds like you are going through a classic case of rebounditis. I'm sorry to tell you that she is not in any kind of emotional shape to be taking on a new relationship, so soon out of the gate from her last one.

You are right that she is quite young to have been involved with someone for so long, but this underscores the need for her to take time to recover before taking on someone new. She wasn't being fair to you by becoming intimate with you and you didn't realize how tricky getting involved with someone in her situation can be. At least she was being honest though and didn't let things go for too long.

You should take your own advice and move on. Staying in touch with her will probably be hard as you already realize so perhaps a clean break is best. You can always get back in touch after six months or a year and see how things are going for her, that is if you are still available. You could send her an occasional email just to let her know you're thinking about her but leave it at that.

I'm sorry that the timing on this one was bad. Now you know you need to be careful to either avoid the rebound relationship kind of situation in the future or take it very slowly. Find yourself a girl who has no emotional hang-ups and is ready to take a leap with you. You deserve that.

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