How to Stop a Nagging Wife (or Girlfriend)
So you want to know wow to stop a nagging wife (or even a nagging girlfriend)? We can show you how.
- to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner
- to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands.
I'll admit it.
Women can find a good many reasons to badger their husbands (or boyfriends.)
Sometimes we just can't help ourselves.
You see there are these socks and wet towels lying around the bedroom and bathroom that have been there for ages and we keep tripping over them.
And did I mention the garage that's so full of stuff you could launch an archeological dig in there?
Yes. The garage. The garage you said you'd clean... "when you get around to it..."
There you go! No more excuses! :-) =======>
But seriously…
Let's break this down.
What exactly is going on when a nagging wife (or girlfriend) keeps nagging so often and in such an annoying way that you've learned to tune her out, side-track her, get defensive, and any other avoidance schemes you've devised?
Here's what usually happens, in a nutshell:
She asks you to do X. Either you say you will do it, or you imply you will.
She assumes you've gotten the message and takes you at your word.
But a finish-by date hasn't been set.
- Nagging Wife Level 1
Time passes. You haven't done X yet. She gets annoyed and asks you to do it again. You think about doing X but don't really feel like it so you put it off.
- Nagging Wife Level 2
More time passes. You still haven't done X. She starts to get pissed off and asks you again, this time raising her voice a little.
- Nagging Wife Level 3
More time passes. You still haven't done X. Now she's really mad. She asks you to do it again, only, she's so mad that X isn't done yet that the way she 'asks' you sounds and feels more like a 3/8 drill bit boring into your head. Can't you hear the drill whirring? You're so mad at how her request now sounds like a demand that you decide (maybe unconsciously) not to do X just to spite her. (But you don't tell her this.)
- Nagging Wife Level 4
More time passes. She can't believe you haven't done X yet. She yells, whines, complains, swears, cries, begs, etc. thinking that maybe if you see how upset she is, you'll be motivated to do X. But her hysterics have the opposite effect on you. You dig in your heels and to hell with what she wants. You ain't doin' it now. Not if she's going to act that way…
Sound familiar? You see, there is slow build up to becoming a nagging wife...
Why is this happening? Well, there are two main factors at play here. Let's take a look at them:
- Poor communication
- Ego
- Poor communication
Most couples on this planet don't know how to communicate effectively. This simple fact causes untold suffering and unacceptably high levels of nagging. Most of the time everyone is busy talking and no one is really listening.
And even when we are talking, we're not doing a very good job of asking for what we want, describing our feelings and needs, or asking the right questions.
Nagging is a sign that a couple needs to revamp how they talk to each other. This is a big undertaking, one that requires the breaking of lots of bad habits. But it can be done and it can end nagging forever! - Ego
When nagging gets to Level 4, ego has taken over. What do I mean by that? Think about it. When you feel henpecked, your pride kicks in and you start to feel stubborn.
You don't even care anymore if you actually did promise to do X. If you do it now then she's 'won' and you've 'lost.' And your ego can't stand that! At least that's how the child in you feels about it, and this is the level you've both reached. She feels like an ignored, neglected kid and the only way to get someone to pay attention is to have a fit.
And you feel like a tormented and harangued boy who just wants to get the hell away. Both sides contributed to this state of affairs and both need to make adjustments to prevent things from spiraling down to this level.
So…What can you do to stop Nagzilla?
Wait for a quiet time when you won't be interrupted. Make sure kids are occupied or, preferably, out of the house. Tell your sweetie you want to have a talk.
Take turns talking about any issue or issues that are really bothering one or both of you. But here are the ground rules.
The listener MUST:
Look directly at the other, not interrupt, not form judgments about what the other person is saying, and not rehearse what you are going to say while s/he is still talking.
When s/he is finished talking, repeat what you think the person just said. This is to make sure you understand, because it's very easy to misunderstand someone. Ask if there's anything else. If there is, repeat the above. If not, take a deep breath, choose your words carefully (because words have power) and take your turn.
The talker MUST:
Use "I" phrases i.e. "I feel hurt when you ignore me," rather than, "You are a jerk when you ignore me," not call the other person names, try to stay calm, and stick to the issue at hand.
This might sound like a lot of work, but what were you expecting? A snarky list of ways to get a woman off your back? If you are serious about wanting to improve your relationship with her and get her to stop nagging you, this is the only way!
You have to talk about the things that are bothering you but talking won't do any good unless you know HOW to talk about it. The traditional way that couples argue and fight ends up with no one listening, no one getting their feelings acknowledged, and no one getting their needs met.
By repeating back what your partner has just said, she is forced to put herself in your shoes and vice versa. This simple technique can do wonders for both of you.
Here's the reward for going through what might feel like a forced and artificial talking process. If she feels heard and acknowledged, she will feel so much better that she won't be as inclined to bug you.
And if you feel heard and acknowledged, you will probably be willing to do whatever it is that's so important to her. You won't be so resentful of one another and will be more likely to work together as a team. Everyone wins!
If both of you feel heard, it will be much easier to come up with a game plan that you can stick with. It will be easier to compromise and both do for each other what otherwise would feel like too much of a concession.
A few things to keep in mind about that turn you spouse into a nagging wife:
- Don't make any promises unless you intend to keep them. Of course, this also applies to her.
- When she hassles you, it's out of sheer frustration from feeling ignored.
- Tuning her out will only magnify the problem and you can only do it for so long.
- If you feel like she doesn't understand where you're coming from, that's your fault, not hers. It's your responsibility to communicate what you want, but you have to do it constructively, as described here.
- Ditto for her. She needs to sit you down before she gets to the boiling point and have a constructive talk.
For more instructions on how to communicate more effectively, I highly recommend the book Magic Relationship Words.
Stopping a nagging wife isn't impossible if you keep this advice in mind!
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