Just Be FriendsDear WWWFM, I'm a twenty year old college student. I have a huge problem that I can't figure out how to overcome. It seems that I am attracted to practically every girl I meet, unless (and this makes me shallow) I don't think they are good looking. I have a hard time wanting to be just friends with a girl, and anytime I start to have feelings for a girl I become slightly attached. I just want to know how to just be friends with a girl and not want more. Dear Tony,
Wow, what a great question. There are different lines of thinking with this subject and some say that men and women can't really be friends. There's a great scene in the movie "When Harry Met Sally," and that's what Harry tells her. The reason, Harry says, is because the sex part always gets in the way. Even if they've never had sex, the man generally wants to at some point. I think there is some truth to this. On the other hand, it's hard to believe that no one can overcome these basic urges and just experience a deep, platonic relationship. But I do think two people who want a friendship have to be really honest with themselves, especially if they are already in a primary relationship. Is there something missing from the primary relationship that makes them want to get their needs met elsewhere, even though they may not be physical? I'm not saying a nice friendship couldn't happen between members of the opposite sex, but it isn't necessarily always a simple situation either. To get to your question, how to just be friends with a girl? Slight attachment in a friendship is fine. It means you have a heart. But if you're talking jealousy, that's something else. You're pretty young, and it's natural to look around and see all kinds of possibilities. Just keep in mind that when you do start to develop a relationship with someone, whether it be a friendship or a romance, don't try to rush things. Just take it as it comes. Do fun things together. Have lots of conversation. And it's great to start out as friends and evolve into romance, rather than diving right into sex. Also, your first long-term relationship with someone will teach you a lot about yourself and what you want in a woman. Your question about how to just be friends is very sweet and I want to tell you not to worry too much about it. I think you will figure this out as you go along. I know that's not very specific advice but it will become clear as time goes by which women are candidates for romance and which for friendship. You will get to know yourself better and what you want in a woman, besides outer beauty, and learn to distinguish which girls you have real chemistry with.
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