How To Kiss A Woman

So…if you are confident of your smooching skills, great! If not, you should at least be aware of the following types of BAD kisses:

• The Ashtray
  Taste and smell are very important senses in the kissing process and if you are a smoker, your kisses aren’t as nice as they could be. (But if your woman smokes too, then this point is moot.) Variation: garlic, coffee, onion, beer, morning breath kiss.
• Count Dracula
  Some guys have been known to exaggerate the "love nibble" by biting a woman's lips so hard that she has a crescent-shaped bruise the next day. If you have biting in mind, go gently please.
• The CPR or "Where's the tongue?"
  I kissed a guy once whose tongue, for some strange reason, was as scarce as a polar bear in a rain forest. It was non-existent. Very bizarre and it felt like my mouth was being probed by a small plunger.
• Pavlovian-slobber
  One ex-boyfriend couldn’t seem to control his salivary glands and I needed a towel handy whenever he went in for a smooch. Yuck.
• Lizard-flick
  This is similar to ‘no tongue’ kiss but for some reason the guy is afraid to let his tongue linger and probe, and instead flicks it at the speed of sound as though he’s afraid it will be caught in a trap.
• Say “AH”
  The opposite of ‘no tongue’ and makes a woman feel like you’re choking her. Too much tongue is as bad as no tongue.
• Dental kiss
  Some men approach kissing like driving a bumper car at an amusement park, but the women aren’t amused. You hear that crashing noise? That’s the sound of your canines smashing into her front teeth which totally detracts from the sexy purpose of the kiss.

I have no idea how to explain what a good kiss is like, but here goes anyway...

In a great kiss:

• The pressure is just right. It’s firm and assertive but not gum-smashing. Or it’s perfectly soft and light. It all depends on the mood, situation, etc.



• If it’s a French kiss, there’s just the right amount of tongue; not so much that you feel like someone stuffed a tennis ball in your mouth, and not so little that you feel deprived.
• The kiss is properly dressed, that is, the man’s lips are smooth, not peeling and chapped, his breath smells good, and he’s clean-shaven. An otherwise perfect kiss can be marred by sandpaper skin and hamburger breath.
• There’s variety. If you’re making out, the kissing moves around and changes its focus. A good kiss can turn bad if it lasts too long and doesn’t vary and no one is allowed to come up for air.

Factoids on Kissing

• Traditionally, people who visit the pope kiss his foot.
• Herpes and mono can be passed on by kissing.
• The longest kiss in film history was between Jane Wyman and Regis Tommey in the film “You’re in the Army Now” – lasting three minutes and five seconds.
• 34 muscles coordinate in the kissing process
• A minute-long kiss burns 26 calories.
• The scientific name for kissing is osculation.
• People are twice as likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing.
• The average person spends two weeks of life kissing.

Hitch’s Technique

In the movie “Hitch,” the Date Doctor, Alex Hitchens (played by Will Smith) gives kissing advice to his bumbling but loveable client Albert Brennaman (played by Kevin James). He tells him that when he moves in for the first kiss with his crush Allegra Cole (played by Amber Valleta), he should approach her lips only 90 percent and let her come in for the remaining 10 percent. The idea, I suppose, is to tantalize her and make her want the kiss even more. Give it a try! (Haven't seen this movie yet? Buy it here.)

A Few Special Kisses:

• Cold kiss
  Pass her an ice cube on a hot summer day.
• Talking kiss
  Whisper sweet-somethings as you kiss her lips, face, and neck.
• Open-eyes kiss
  Gaze lovingly into her eyes as you kiss her passionately. You’ll have to ask her to keep them open for this one.
• Lip nibbler
  When you pull away from a kiss, gently suck on her lower lip for a second or two.

Check out Kissing 101 E-book!

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