Emotional Infidelity is Just as Bad as a "Real" Affair

Emotional infidelity (E.I.) is when you become emotionally intimate with someone other than your wife or girlfriend. It doesn't matter that you've never physically touched the other woman. What matters is that you fantasize about her, share intimate details, or have more than just casual conversation.

E.I. can be every bit as devastating as the "real" thing and it's a sure sign that your primary relationship needs attention. If you are spending regular time online "chatting" about personal things with the same woman or regularly exchanging intimate emails with another woman, you are being unfaithful. If you have regular, lengthy talks about your personal life with another woman at work, you are being unfaithful.

"But we didn't sleep together!"is no excuse. If you are investing a significant amount of time and intimate energy in another woman, even if it's never "consummated," you are robbing your wife or girlfriend of a precious commodity: You. (By the way, pornography
is also a kind of emotional infidelity.

Is an "innocent" relationship you're carrying on with another woman who is "just a friend" something you would feel comfortable revealing to your partner? Would she be upset if she found out about your "friendship?" If you're not prepared to let her know about the other person, then something is wrong.

I had a boyfriend who was a good writer and who wrote down a fantasy he had about a female friend. He imagined a sexual encounter with her including vivid details of how he wanted to make her climax. It read like something out of Playboy. He left the pages in plain view where I found them and was devastated. It didn't matter that he never carried out the fantasy. (And never would as she was happily married.) What crushed me was how much thoughthe put into making love to SOMEONE ELSE and thinking how unsatisfied he must have been with me. I felt like I had been betrayed. When I confronted him about it he dismissed my feelings and focused on how I shouldn't have been reading his stuff.

If you are having a cyber affair with another woman or spending "extra" time with a female coworker, do yourself and your wife or girlfriend a favor and take a serious look at what you're doing and why. If you're not satisfied with the way your relationship or marriage is going then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Don't escape into a fantasy relationship with someone else and tell yourself it's just harmless fun. Take steps to make the changes you want. Talk to your partner, go get some

counseling, give her a chance to make some changes. You need to pick one woman or the other and then commit to making the relationship work.

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