Learning how to communicate with her...
Scenario #1:> Husband (or boyfriend) says, “Guess what, Honey? I just a bought a new car! Isn’t that great!”
Problem: This may apply more to married couples, but when making a big purchase like a car, both partners need to at least consult with the other beforehand. This isn’t asking for permission. But you’re part of a team and should be in agreement about basic finance issues.
Better approach: Hey Honey, I want to get a new car. What’s your opinion?
Scenario #2: She says: “I need to talk to you about x. Is now a good time?” You say, “I don’t feel like talking about it. Maybe tomorrow or next week.” Problem: Something is bothering her and you’re not giving her an opportunity to tell you what it is.
Scenario #4: She says: “Wouldn’t it be fun to ________ (fill in the blank with whatever fantasy she’s dreaming about.)” He says, “That’s dumb. That’s too expensive. That’s impractical. That’s impossible. That’s stupid. I don’t want to do that…”
Problem: Just because you disagree with something she’s imagining, that doesn’t mean it’s okay to argue and debate about it.
Better approach: Let her talk about her dream, whether it makes sense to you or not. You might learn something about her. Learning to communicate better means being genuinely interested in what your significant other has to say.
Scenario #5: She is upset and crying about something that happened. You say, “Aw, don’t cry. It’s not that big of a deal. Where’s that smile? etc.”
Problem: You’re not listening to her if you say these things. And you are definitely not acknowledging her feelings.
Better approach: Seeing her cry may make you uncomfortable but again, just listen to her, and maybe ask some questions to help her explore her feelings.
Scenario #6: You are eating dinner together. She is telling you a sad story about a coworker. You are saying "Uh huh" and watching the news on TV.
Problem: You’re not paying attention to her.
Better approach: Look at her when she’s talking to you. Turn off the TV. Listen to her. She deserves your full attention. Learning to communicate better means being fully present.
Leave How NOT to Communicate with Her
