One man I used to know said, “I never use the words I’m sorry. I might say I was wrong, or I shouldn’t have done that, or I promise I’ll never do that again, but saying I’m sorry is too demeaning.” Demeaning? How demeaning could it be to apologize to a woman you love?

My ex-husband used to apologize by saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” In other words, he wasn’t really sorry for what he’d done. He just wished that I hadn’t reacted the way I did because now my anger was an inconvenience. His apology was phony and added insult to injury.

A friend's ex-husband forgot to do something very important for his wife. His apology went something like this: “I’m sorry, but I had a lot on my mind.” In other words, he wasn’t really apologizing, just defending himself, giving an excuse of why it wasn’t his fault, etc.

So….what does a real, honest-to-goodness, from the heart, sincere apology look like? Well, after you’ve taken your foot out of your mouth and gotten past any ego issues like Real Men don’t have to say they’re sorry or Only wimps apologize, keep the following points in mind when apologizing to a woman.

1. Acknowledge your goof, whatever it was.
   "I know I hurt you when I was an hour late in picking you up for the concert you bought tickets for three months ago."
2. Explain why you did what you did, if you have a valid reason, not as an excuse, just as an explanation. If you have no valid explanation, or were just a temporary bonehead, admit it.
   "I had to work later than I thought but I should have made sure I would be able to get here on time." Or "I lost track of the time. I was careless and just didn’t pay attention."
3. Tell her how you feel about letting her down. Now is the time to show your regret.
   "I feel really bad for being so late. I can’t believe I did that to you. I’m so sorry."
4. Offer to make amends or repair the damage if it fits the situation.
   "I’ll work on being more conscious of the time when we have something special planned. The band is playing in X City next weekend. Let’s take a road trip and see them there."

It’s important to do this in person (I don’t have to tell you that, do I?) and to look her in the eye when you say it. It would do wonders too if you give her a big bear hug. But make sure you are really sorry before you do any of this. Because if part of you feels like she’s making too big a deal out of it, or you really don’t get why she’s so hot and bothered, she will know that you are bullshitting her and don’t really mean it, and you will just piss her off even more.

Please remember, guys, that when you are man enough to admit you screwed up and do a decent job of apologizing to a woman, we love you for it and see it as a sign of strength in you, not weakness. So don’t fall into the trap of being too embarrassed or having too much pride to apologize.That kind of male pride will get you nowhere in relationships with women. Just remember that knowing how to properly apologize to your woman is the absolute quickest way back to harmony.

Avoid saying the wrong thing. Read our list of the
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